How Should Someone Handle the inevitable “Bump in the Road” and triggers?
Well, I think it starts with understanding yourself. So you’ve got to understand what causes you to trigger. And then once you understand what causes you to trigger, you can decide whether something that if you’ve hit a kind of a bump in the road, is it the reality of what’s going on? Especially if it’s someone in another relationship that maybe irritates you or frustrates you? Or sets you back in some way? Was that their intention? Or was it just a result of their actions? Something they said, or they did? Or they sent you an email that kind of ticked you off? So it’s that idea to understand, is that true? Or is it a perception that that happens?
The thing when we’re emotionally triggered, which it’s that part of our brain, the amygdala that’s fired upon, we can’t distinguish the difference between perception and reality. So I think from a self-awareness perspective, when you learn emotional intelligence, it’s about defining; is this my perception that I’m frustrated, and I’m angry, and I’m upset because this person did this to me? Or is it the result of their actions, and then kind of I’ve added it up to this. And so, so once you can distinguish that, then it’s your ability to just self regulate in some way, you’ve got to even just do a basic thing like a breathing exercise, or just tap into something that kind of calmed you a bit before you say something or you send that email that you type, type, type…. Reply All.. And then you regret it later.
So that’s a key part of it, is just understanding what causes you to trigger and then moving through that trigger in order to find out is this the truth or is this a perception of what’s going on?
How harmful can poor Emotional Intelligence be?
When two people are in a room, and another person walks in with a negative emotion, it only takes 3 seconds for those other two people to be impacted by that negative emotion. So that’s more like 1001, 1002 ,1003. I mean, it’s immediate. And that person that walks into the room with a negative emotion doesn’t even have to say anything to the other two people. I knew, just feel it.
I guess it’s the same thing for all of us. I mean, when you work or interact with people, I mean, you know, if you’re going to approach someone that you just kind of feel their vibe, even if they’re at their desk, or if this is not a good day. Or if you’re going to meet with a client, you kind of feel like, oh, I don’t think this is the time to bring up that new big proposal. They don’t seem to be in a good mood. So it’s your ability to connect and read people and it’s powerful, emotions are powerful. I mean, just like that example, it only takes three seconds for somebody to come in and really have an impact on you. If they have a negative emotion. You feel it.